I was caught off guard the other night when, just before bed, my husband mentioned that he was feeling lonely and was biting at the bit to work with people again. He is really not what I would describe as an overly collaborative person. In fact, he seems to most enjoy working independently and we rarely share projects together, partly out of necessity of course but I assumed also partly because he favored an autonomous workflow.
What also struck me was how much I was relishing the distance, the independence, the isolation, the autonomy, the focus, the very lack of input. I’ve been conversing and discussing and debating a lot with myself. Not to say that I don’t appreciate being pushed by alternative thought processes, because I thoroughly do, and is a major contributor to my steady consumption of literature. I am quick to fold under outside (peer) pressure, however, and not see my ideas through. I’ll lose patience or motivation or confidence and drop the effort entirely in favor of someone else’s ‘better’ idea. I’m so worried that I’ll fight for something that isn’t worthwhile and cost someone happiness or satisfaction as a result. And sometimes their idea truly IS better. But many other times I’m just weak and dubious.
I’m a feeler, and I want things to feel right at every step before I commit. Even the right things feel very wrong at times though, and I would benefit to practice further resolve, marching all the way through a process even if it means more mistakes. OMG, the plethora of knowledge and experience I could gain from plowing through mess-ups for the sake of messing up! How liberating, how novel!
I’ve picked up Quiet again as a result, a book I read a few years back. It has taken on entirely new depth and meaning in the time I’ve spent living and developing personally and professionally since then.