I came across Martha Beck through another podcast I listened to, and decided to embark on the journey provided by her Bewilderment podcast. She had an interesting exercise on the first episode that I want to try and report back on. My goal is to attempt it tomorrow and keep a journal of my experience.

1. Find a place of solitude.
2. Ask yourself, What would it be really nice for me to love that I don’t?
3. Force yourself to love it. Find a way to appreciate it for what it is. Find the good in it. Feel that pressure.
4. Allow yourself permission to feel however you want, however much you want, about the thing you chose. Give yourself pure acceptance to take up as much space as you want and need to feel.
5. Acknowledge and observe what you think, how you feel, and what happens. Rise above it, get outside of it, and just watch in patience. Detach yourself and allow it to happen, allow it to unfold, allow it to occupy, but see it as something independent from yourself.

I move so quickly to judging myself for the way I feel, not even taking the time to evaluate or ask. I’m such a visceral thinker that everything seems to be happening to me, by me, inside by very core, as a part of me, totally integrated. Can I distance myself and observe something totally objectively, as a thing or a feeling or a happening, with innocent curiosity? I’m so curious to see where this leads.

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